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“A carefully written text or email can still be romantic,” says Julie Spira, author of The Perils of Cyberdating.Do women truly prefer jerks — men who treat them rudely, who act like they could take ‘em or leave ‘em, or who actually do take them…then leave them? Just as the toughest jock would have made a great protector in the ancient past—where all human mating psychology comes from—women today are drawn to whoever gets them and their kids/genes to survive. They aren’t better employees, but they have no hesitations about putting themselves or their interests forward. The Panties There’s an industry directed at teaching men to be jerks—to alternately fake long-term interest, feign indifference, and/or pretend they’ve got more money (or degrees, cars, houses) than they really do.I can’t overstate this: In studies, the most attractive thing you can do is to openly admire the person you’re with. In reviewing 40 years of solid science on long-term love, here’s what I know for sure: If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your relationship will work well, and if you can’t it won’t. Getting together with a woman who needs you to be a jerk so she’ll be into you is a guarantee of misery. Factually, their lives and loves are crappier—not happier.

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But don’t worry—FHM is here to hold your hand (in a chummy, supportive way) through the very modern minefield that is meeting lovely ladies.

And jocks are not always known for throwing their weight around in the kindest possible ways.